Krenshaw Krawdad and the Smoking Squirrel

By Karys Rhea

Krenshaw was wandering through Madrone Canyon in a daze. A far cry from New York City, the sights, sounds, and smells of Northern California were paradoxically energising and soothing. She sat down for a moment on a rock ledge in front of an old rural home, taking in the sweet scent of Jasmine and the mild rustling of the trees.

She looked to her right and noticed a fuzzy little squirrel chilling out next to her on the ledge. The squirrel looked up at her momentarily, then reached down with its little arm and grabbed a cigarette out of the bushes.

“You got a lighter?” it remarked casually, as if they had known each other for years.

Krenshaw pulled an orange bic lighter out of her pocket and assisted the adorable little creature in lighting its cigarette.

She watched it for a while, in awe. It was so dainty, handling the cigarette as would a young Clark Gable.

Krenshaw couldn’t wait to tell her folks about this.

“So, are you like a magical squirrel or something?” she asked.

“More like a man in a squirrel’s body I guess,” the squirrel replied, nonchalantly.

“What’s your name?”

“Matthew.”

“I’m Krenshaw,”

“Pleased to meet ya.”

Instant friends, Matthew explained to Krenshaw that he was actually equal part man and part squirrel.

“But it’s not an either-or thing,” he clarified. “It’s really all one and the same.”

Krenshaw was appreciative about how honest Matthew was about his condition. She had a feeling he didn’t open up to just anybody.

At some point in the conversation, without Krenshaw even realising it, Matthew had morphed into a full-grown man. She invited him over to her parents’ house up the block where her bandmates and both of her cousins were visiting. It was a full house this weekend.

They arrived at her parents, and Krenshaw introduced Matthew to her mother, who was cordial but preoccupied with Thanksgiving Day cooking.

Then, right there in the foyer, Matthew lit up another cigarette.

“Matthew, did you ask my mom if you could smoke in the house?” Krenshaw asked, trying to conceal her indignance.

“Oh,” Matthew replied, feigning interest. “No, I didn’t.” Matthew chucked the cigarette to the floor. Krenshaw couldn’t believe it. What poor manners! She wanted to chastise him but didn’t feel like she should be confrontational. After all, he was part squirrel.

But then Matthew picked up the cigarette and properly discarded it in the trash.

Krenshaw sighed. She just didn’t know what to make of this guy.

After hanging out for a bit, Krenshaw became eager for Matthew to leave so she could tell her family and her band that he was secretly a squirrel. They were unlikely to believe her, which is why she had taken some videos on her iPhone as proof.

Eventually, everyone made their way to the front door where they said their goodbyes to Matthew. He gave Krenshaw a hug, then revealed to her that he was married. Krenshaw was a little relieved. She couldn’t decide if she was attracted to him or not, and now the choice was made for her.

Minutes after Matthew had supposedly left, Krenshaw spotted him in the den getting cozy with Maggie Lynn, Krenshaw’s former back-up singer.

“Aren’t you gonna kiss me Matthew?” Krenshaw overheard Maggie plead.

Matthew looked uncomfortable. He stuttered a bit and then mumbled some excuse, deflecting the question.

Krenshaw had enough. “He’s married!” she shouted. “He just told me that!”

Matthew nodded, awkward and embarrassed. “Right.”

“Okay. That’s it. You have GOT to go,” Krenshaw declared, pushing Matthew towards the door.

Matthew was confused and seemed hurt by Krenshaw’s sudden burst of aggression.

“I’m sorry,” Krenshaw started. “It’s just… I have a lot to do. I want to go over some choreography with the girls for our next show and I have a bunch of emails to answer.”

She paused.

“But after that, I might be going on a hike with my brother and cousin. Would you want to meet us later?”

There was no hike. But Krenshaw needed to say something to get him to leave.

“Sure.” Matthew answered, suspicious of her intentions.

She pushed him out of the house but saw that, instead of leaving, he went around the side to the deck, where he proceeded to munch on some celery and Doritos that had been set out as hors d'oeuvres for the guests.

Krenshaw felt uncomfortable. Why wouldn’t Matthew leave? Was he stalking her?

She voiced her concerns to her mother, who insisted that “he’s just hungry….I don’t think he ate lunch.”

Whatever.

Krenshaw really just wanted to sit everyone down so she could finally show them the videos of Matthew when he was a cigarette-smoking squirrel.

Eventually, she succeeded in gathering her parents and one cousin in the living room. Krenshaw tried to find the part in the video with Matthew in it, but she had trouble. It was a long video, and Krenshaw kept accidentally skipping over parts and had to go back and check if he was in them.

Her family was getting impatient.

“Please,” Krenshaw begged them. “Don’t leave. I’ve been wanting to show you this all day. Just hang tight. I promise I’ll find it. And when I do, it’ll be worth the wait.

Moments later, she thought she found it. “Ah! This is the part!” she shouted to reassure them.

They all huddled around Krenshaw’s phone and watched the video for a full two minutes. But no squirrel.

“Why don’t you just fast forward it?” her dad said irritably.

“No! Trust me. If I fast forward it I’m going to miss the part and then we’ll have to rewind it again. Pleasssse be patient with me. Pleassssseee,” she begged.

Finally, Krenshaw found a part with Matthew, but it was after he had stopped smoking.

Krenshaw tried to scroll back but couldn’t find it.

A while later, her mom handed Krenshaw a letter Matthew had sent her. Krenshaw couldn’t understand it because it was written in squirrel. Luckily, her mom had translated it on the other side.

Truth be told, though, Krenshaw didn’t have the energy to read all of it. She did see that taped to the letter was a photo of him, his wife, and his identical twin brother.

Krenshaw realised that she was probably speaking with Matthew’s twin at certain points throughout the day. He did periodically have a beard.

Either way, Krenshaw was still creeped out by Matthew. And to make things worse, her mom and everyone else had become enamoured with him.

Krenshaw felt as if she was the only one who could see Mathew’s true colours.

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