The Trials and Tribulations of Finding Good Baggage

By Isabel McKeough

No one talks about how hard it is to find good baggage. No, not the emotional kind; actual baggage. Like I’m-going-on-an-intergalactic-holiday-and-need-to-pack-my-clothes-and-my-toiletries-but-leave-room-for-alien-trinkets kinda baggage. And when I say alien, I don’t mean it in the derogatory way, just alien as in not-my-own species alien, because it’s the alien nature of things that causes a lot of issues when it comes to finding good baggage. And while I’m prefacing some reasons why you shouldn’t cancel me in the comments, I ask you not to take it the wrong way when I use Earth as a baseline for various baggage-related features. I’m not trying to be Earthocentric, it’s just that I grew up on Earth so it’s muscle memory. Think of it this way — you can’t expect an American to use the metric system even though it’s more rational than the imperial system, because the metric system is just what they’re used to. Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked now. Back to the important thing here: baggage.

Aelunion has a gravity five times that on Earth — did you know that? I didn’t until I started researching baggage. Anyway, because of this (and cheap human airlines tendency to charge exuberant prices for slightly overweight bags), it’s vital that the material forming your baggage isn’t too heavy. Otherwise, on Aelunion, you won’t be able to move it. But if your bag is too light and you travel from Aelunion to Fertox, your bag will float away. Gravity on Fertox is just that light! So, careful if you’re travelling as a family — your kids might float away too (or maybe that’s the point).

So, material. Not too heavy, not too light. But what about other logistics? Plastic will melt in a Tressalan vessel’s storage compartment thanks to heat off their plasma engines. Lining a cargo hold with refractory metal simply isn’t lucrative, not when the meteors containing them are rare and the passengers take priority for lawsuit reasons. Okay, maybe don’t travel on a Tressalan vessel anyway (google their history of lawsuits), but plastic still doesn’t tick all the boxes. It has no x-ray shielding properties, which means pesky Erulunan pirates can see right through them. And hey, maybe you don’t have anything worth stealing — I’m not one to judge — but I don’t want aliens seeing my maybe-precious-maybe-not cargo. And I’ll admit that ‘alien’ does sound a little judgy in this context, just know my ex was an Erulunan so I have a free pass.

Next point of call: shape. Humans seem to like rectangular luggage cases, generally propelled by wheels — or telekinesis for a few lucky species — but for those of us who lack mind control, wheels are a real pain as soon as they hit an uneven surface. And most space ports, thanks to the demands of artificial gravity, don’t lend themselves to even floors. And if it’s not wheels… don’t get me started on duffel bags. Over the shoulder, cross-body, backpack straps, regular handle, whatever way you look at it, they’re uncomfortable to carry. For a while I thought a bag based on Zetins floating design had legs — get the pun? — but the propulsion jets have a tendency to explode (like Tressalan vessels). Moving on, Hermonin baggage is generally spherical. They seem to roll better on uneven surfaces than human wheels, but the interior contents get jumbled unless you use magnetic locks. And magnetic locks don’t get through human or Fertox or Aelunion security. If you’re travelling Tressalan, you’re fine, though again, I urge you, google the lawsuits. Regardless, spherical baggage is offensive to Benoubulans, who consider them insensitive mimics of their shells. And since Benoubulan is one of Earth’s closest planets and top travel destinations, spherical baggage is off the table.

 And this is all before I get onto how the bag shuts. Zips, buttons, buckles, flexistrips, magnets; the options go on. Do you add a lock? If so, what kind of lock? A Zetin’s claws can’t operate a classic padlock. Kresins rely primarily on smell, so nothing visual works for them. And speaking of visuals: colour is another baggage problem. You can make the same bag in multiple colours, you may be thinking, but just how many colours? Do we cater to preference, or to cover the visible spectrum of every different species? Either way, cultural (species?) sensitivity comes up again. In some human cultures, green symbolises infidelity, exorcism or death, and is forbidden. I’ve always associated green with nature, so a year ago I would have had no qualms purchasing a green bag. Now, you couldn’t pay me to buy one (that’s a lie — pay me and I’ll do almost anything — but you get the idea). So, consider this cultural clash over colours on an intergalactic level. Actually, don’t. I did and had a migraine for a week. I learnt the other day (after I recovered from my migraine) that Fertoxians communicate via colour instead of speech. The wrong baggage could literally land you in custody! Custody! Over baggage!

Now, if you’re anything like me, you’re probably sick of thinking about baggage. You just want the solution:

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Now, if you’re anything like me, you’re probably sick of thinking about baggage. You just want the solution:

Don’t travel.

About the Author

Isabel McKeough is a Sydney-based author who loves exploring what it means to be human in an alien context.

She is a graduate of the Australian Writers Centre and currently studies creative writing at the University of Technology, Sydney.

You can find her work in Far Futures Book 4, Jacaranda Journal, the UTS Writers Anthology, The Miserere Review, and of course AntipodeanSF!

Find out more about Isabel at <https://www.isabelmckeough.com.au/>